I wish I didn't have to deal with the DMV tomorrow, or deal with the pain of dentistry today, or finish moving my stuff out of my apartment later this week...and any number of endless things, on and on.  Those things that keep me fettered.  I wish I could just dive into my time at the San Francisco Writers' Grotto this week and next and pour over the other students' work for the Lambda Retreat, and then, please, yes, finally, write write write before I go off to LA for a week of workshops, classes, exercises, networking, etc.  I'm sure Lambda will be fabulous--I have no doubt--but it's not really time for writing, at least from what I can tell of the jam-packed schedule.  There will surely be some.   But my point here--and I do have one--is that I am really frustrated with how much life seems to get in the way of writing.  And maybe it's too much time on facebook or watching livestreaming TV shows on netflix.  Okay, guilty.   I need to get more discipline.   But I always have this feeling--oh if I didn't have to be a responsible adult, wouldn't I just have more space to write?

Oddly, I am beginning to discover the opposite is true. Momentum feeds momentum.  And all these things that seem to keep me bound to Earth--bills, errands, the dentist, planning for classes, grocery shopping, taking care of my cat, moving, etc. etc.--I always thought kept me from playing in the ether.  But I have to start from some place.  The ball can't just float forever, it's gotta smack on concrete, and keep smacking, up and back.  What would it mean to fly if you never learned how to land, or to take off?  Flying wouldn't be that special.   But I miss it.  My wings ache to stretch.   But the more I do, the more engaged I am with the material world, the more I can knock out some words that feel meaningful.  Like this, right here, right now.  See?   Now tomorrow, at the Grotto, I'll back up on the runway and launch.

I've made it a habit in recent semesters to perform my poem about teaching, "School of Thought" (accessible as an audio file under "Some Poems"...note to self to get the text up there) to my classes on the last day of class.  They always love it, but I usually get the comment that's somewhere along the lines of: "Man you were holding out on us!" I think this is because my classroom persona and stage persona are pretty different.  I've done the poem on the first day of class before but that felt like showboating, so I changed it.  I had a student today though (who is about my age, and we developed a rapport and chatted after class several times this summer) who suggested I do that earlier.  I do teach a spoken word poetry unit in my developmental writing classes and my literature classes.  I've been using The Spoken Word Revolution Redux, but this semester I am switching to Write Bloody's new Learn Then Burn to get some fresh poems and check out their suggested lesson plans.  Plus I know Write Bloody publishes really high quality spoken word poetry.  Although I liked the other book because it comes with a CD, and the quality was great, too.  I just want some new poems to dig into for my own sake, mostly, and wanna check out the hot new ticket! :)

At any rate, I think I'm going to present my poem ("School of Thought") somewhere in the poetry unit.  It might be a useful and powerful thing to do in every class, and perhaps the last day is the wrong time, even though it's kind of a fun send-off. 

This was a good group.   I genuinely liked most of them, and they got a long, a good vibe.  Doesn't always happen that way.  It wasn't the *most* bonded chummy class I've had, but it was solid and fun.

Now I have three weeks "off..."  Off to do other things really.  Finish packing and moving.  Reading and commenting on 300 pages of other Lambda fellows fiction for the workshop by August 8.  Excited by that, but a bit daunted.

I got a sublet at the San Francisco Writer's Grotto for the next couple of weeks where I plan to get much of this reading done, my own writing, and planning for the fall semester.   I feel very blessed to get to do the Lambda Retreat/Workshop.   And I am lucky to do a job that I enjoy most of the time.  Still, I need to schedule in a day at the beach or hiking or something in the next couple of weeks!  This "time off" idea is a bit misleading.  I mean Lambda will be fun, and it doesn't FEEL like work, but there is something to be said for like, actual vacations.  There will be the weekend before in LA.  Make time for days full of just fun and relaxing.  Second note to self.

I decided to cut down my classload from four to three this fall to make more room for my writing, developing my writing career, and other creative projects.   It'll make money a bit tighter--loans still in deferment--but I think it's worth it.  I can always go back to four in the spring if I want more cash.

Freeway flyers (or anyone else really) who may be reading this, please feel free to comment on my scheduling dilemma:

What would you do?--

option A:  have tuesdays and thursdays "free" and work-from-home flexible, but make wednesday ridiculously long and full of driving

option B: have commitments M-Th, but Wed afternoon and TTh mornings free